Italian Real Estate

Q&A: Help me Edit This!!?

Posted on | September 8, 2010 | 3 Comments

Question by 6DNAL: me This!!?
I have to write an essay for school. I need some proffesional editing . Tell me how I can improve the following two paragraphs:

“Born in 1943, during one of the biggest battles in history, I was the first and only child of Maria and Vincenzo Emanuele. I was born in a small city called Trieste in northern Italy, where the majority of people work at architecture, healthcare and real estate. ”

“For the past couple of years, despite everything my grandmother has been through, she had done just about anything possible to make me happy. But by that time, our living conditions weren’t looking good. Prices were rising, there was a lack of education, and grandma’s health was in jeopardy. We were aware of the problems, but decided to carry on with our lives as usual.”

Best answer:

Answer by M C
…majority of people work in the AREAS or FIELDS of

… For the past couple of years despite many hardships, my grandmother HAS done anything possible…

Unfortunately, prices were rising, education was lacking, and my grandmother’s health was…

Although we were aware of our problems and bleak look out for our lives…

Give your answer to this question below!

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3 Responses to “Q&A: Help me Edit This!!?”

  1. Mary G
    September 8th, 2010 @ 1:24 pm

    I was the only child of Maria and Vincenzo Emanule;born in 1943. The city I was born in was a small one in northern Italy, called Trieste. The majority of the people worked at archictecture, health care and real estate.
    Despite everything my Grandmother had been through, she did her best to make me happy. The living conditions weren’t good, what with prices rising and the lack of education. Grandmother’s health was not good. We knew of these problems but tried to make the best of a bad situation.

  2. yp_agnes_grafton
    September 8th, 2010 @ 2:14 pm

    What an excellent essay. Just end your sentence after the word “history” and “rising”

    Delete comma (,) after he word “education” and you are all right.

    You’re doing good. Congratulations.

  3. butlerr2
    September 8th, 2010 @ 2:42 pm

    “Born in 1943, I was the first and only child of Maria and Vincenzo Emanuele. During one of the biggest battles in history, I was born in Trieste a small city in northern Italy. In Trieste, the majority of people work at architecture, healthcare and real estate. ”

    “Despite everything my grandmother has been through, in recent years she has done everything possible to make me happy. By that time, our living conditions weren’t looking good. Prices were rising, education was lacking, and grandma’s health was in jeopardy. We were aware of the problems, but decided to carry on with our lives as usual.”

    I assume there are paragraphs between these two that connect the ideas, or they are part of separate essays.

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